My father's death left me raw, unable to function and grief stricken in the fullest sense of the words - I was eighteen years old and bereft. I still have the memory of how desperate I was. One of the worst things about it was that I did not know what to say at his funeral. I needed to say something but I couldn't put the words together. It still causes me so much pain that I couldn't speak to say what he meant to me, and what he still means to me. When I was asked for my opinion on poems for funerals my initial reaction was to say 'No, I don't like that idea. How morbid can you get?' But then I was taken back all those years to that dreadful time and I realized how selfish I was being.
If I had been able to get hold of something that was already written and that would maybe express some of my feelings, how much better would I have felt? How much better would I have coped? How much better would I feel now - over thirty years later? Sadly, I will never know.
There are those folks who turn their noses up at something pre-written, I wonder if they have ever been in that dark and desperate place where you need to say words and no words will come. When you find something that allows you to say what you need more easily, it is like a ray of sunlight in a dark and lonely place. Poetry is music in words and music is balm to the soul. Are we all poets - maybe, who knows? For some people they might well find that this time of huge emotion allows them to unlock something within themselves and they can express themselves with a Poem. Out of their grief will come something that may help many of us deal with our own sense of loss and helplessness.
For most of us, we need something that we can use or adapt. When you lose someone you care about, time flies and time drags - you need something now, tomorrow is too late. When you read the words that express your feelings, the sense of relief is boundless. Funeral Blues by W H Auden "Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone...." expresses that sense of a love lost in words that cannot be bettered. Michael Shepherd's "I'm Thinking That Soon, Maybe, We'll Meet" strikes a particular chord with me and I would love to have known about that all those years ago.
To have suitable poems for funerals at your fingertips can only be a good thing, it's not morbid, it's not crass - it is help when you need it most.
Frances Semoor
